Seeing Chris with someone else sucks. Just sucks. But he's still kind of stringing me along. Wanting to kiss, cuddle, have sex.. What's wrong with him? He tells me he isn't having sex with Caitlin and that makes me think that is the only reason why he's keeping me around. He certainly doesn't respect me.. I don't know why I let him treat me this why. I don't love him like I did. I know I love him. But not like before. I'm not IN love with him. I do miss him. And what we had. I don't know if I should let go. I'm really confused. I know he is too. He told me he still loves me and doesn't want to see me with anyone else but he likes someone and wants to see how that goes.. I can't be his second choice when he is my first. What should I do?

"Ohhh I'm Caitlin Baker. I'm a fucking whore. I steal peoples boyfriends and make them hate their ex. I'm a home-wrecker. I think I'm so much better." UGH stupid fucking whore): I hate you. You wrecked my life.

This sucks. I love you, you love her. I'm nothing when I used to be everything. I hope I die. Maybe then you'll notice me.

I just want to die

I'm seriously considering killing myself

I ruin everything. This is all my fault. If I hadn't become such a terrible girlfriend this would have never happened. I'm a bad person. I just want to throw up.

I'm just tired

We don't talk, we don't hug, we don't kiss, we don't spend as much time together, we don't have sex. Nothing. Everything is falling apart. I know I can't blame this all on you or all on myself but it's easiest to blame your problems on someone. It makes you feel better. I know we don't have the relationship we used to, and I don't know why. I can't explain it. It doesn't seem like anything major thing happened.. But something did. We drifted, you changed, I changed, things changed. I don't know. All I know now is that nothing is the same. I miss us. What we used to be. How all we had was each other and we never needed anything else. I don't know why this has happened but if I could take this horrible mishap away and change it I would. Love is a crazy thing. No one knows why it happens, it just does. I think that it is something we both shared with each other but lost. I wouldn't wish how I feel on my worst enemy. To love someone and loose their love is like being stabbed 8 million times in the back. It stinks. I feel like I don't know you, or us, or what we are now. We used to be happiest couple around. Now we are just a mere figment of my imagination. There are so many things I wish I could do to fix this. But I can't seem to figure it out. And I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm not even upset, hurt or angry anymore. I'm just tired. I'm tired of putting in more effort that I receive. I'm tired of holding on to nothing. I'm tired of all of your lies. I'm tired of you hiding things. I'm tired of you proving me wrong every time. I'm tired of getting my hopes up just to be disappointed again.

Because you're so perfect.

Ever had a boyfriend who has been so loyal, and you would never have a reason to stop trusting him just because he is so perfect and would never to do anything to jeopardize your relationship? Yeah me either. I thought I had one. Turns out I was wrong. A whole year together with barely a problem.. until SHE came along.. Now all he ever talk about is her. He texts he non-stop. I even caught him hiding the fact that they were hanging out.. MULTIPLE TIMES! He has always been a great guy. I have never had a reason to think of him as anything but perfect until now. I would never think  he would cheat on me.. But now I'm not sure. And saying that seems so terrible.. But it is pretty suspicious when you catch him hiding things like that right? I've even had friends tell me that they have seen them flirting. I've seen it for myself as well. I feel so crazy, and terrible for feeling this way but I can't help myself. I thought I was the only girl he wanted for life. It breaks my heart to see him with her even if he claims it's nothing it doesn't feel like nothing to me. It feels like everything has changed. I feel like it's all just falling apart. I keep telling myself that it's nothing and that she isn't even pretty. But what good is that going to do? It doesn't even make me feel better. I knew this could never be a forever kind of thing because we want different things. I want to get out of here.. Live my dream and move far away and live in the lime light. He just wants a simple life here with family. But I never thought it might end this soon. I don't want it to. I love him. Even if the time we have will always be limited; my love for him will always be forever. I told him he didn't have to be with me but he said he wanted to. I told him he needs to start acting like it because it hasn't seemed that way in quite a while. I just don't feel important anymore. I know my mama always told me that I don't need a man to be whole, but without him I would just feel empty..